


trapped in different hells

by Mia_Zeklos



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abuse of italics, Character Study, Episode: s02e17 A Dark Reflection, F/M, Post-Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Sibling Incest, not sure what tags to put here exactly so I'd just advise potential readers to thread with caution, since a lot of the themes here can obviously be upsetting in a number of ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 16:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11695743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_Zeklos/pseuds/Mia_Zeklos
Summary: In every way imaginable, Clary comes as a surprise.





	trapped in different hells

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from a poem which felt fitting to the situation and which you can find [here](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7902068-don-t-ever-think-you-re-alone-here-we-ve-just-been-trapped). And while we're on references - there's a nod towards a book quote in here, so if it seems familiar, that's where it's from.  
> Any interaction between these character is a first for me and the last time I tried anything from Jonathan's point of view was years ago, so feedback is welcome.

She’s so _open_. There’s no lie to anything his sister does and Jonathan keeps ending up surprised by it no matter how much time he spends around her. It’s as fascinating as it’s confusing and it’s not like he hasn’t known honesty before – Lilith had never lied to him and neither had any of her subjects – but it’s different with Clary and she’s kinder than he’d ever imagined. It feels like a once in a lifetime chance for him to find her and for her to be the way she is. Between Valentine and their mother – the same mother that had abandoned him so many years ago – Clary is an unexpected miracle; the one right thing in a world that’s nothing like he’d imagined it to be.

Jace is different. Try as he might, Jonathan can’t quite look past the fact that the boy had grown up barely a mile away from him and, even more so, the fact that when his father had got rid of them both, he’d sent Jace to another family instead of trying to erase his existence completely.

Still, he’s willing to give him a chance – they _are_ alike in more ways than he’d predicted even if their differences still outweigh the similarities – and he’s almost ready to admit that in the end, he’d try and convince Jace to come with him too when the time came despite his father’s plans. Everyone has their uses, after all. He’d found out that much after arriving in London and that strategy’s been more than useful since then; there’s no point in abandoning it now.

Between one moment and the next, things change _drastically_. Because hearing Clary talk about him – _him_ , not Sebastian, the Shadowhunter she thinks she knows – changes everything in a heartbeat.

As it so happens, nothing she says fits what Valentine had predicted that she would. She isn't terrified of him, she isn't disgusted, not even when she can already guess what he's like and the thought is both elating and unnerving. He doesn't know what to do with her now; doesn't know how to handle this situation when the exact opposite had seemed like a given. And she seems completely convinced of what she's saying, too; even when Jace talks about killing him if he starts getting out of control, she tries to change his mind on the off chance that she can still help her brother.

That's when he decides not to say anything. It wouldn't be worth it; not now, not if he's planning to reveal himself to her later. The possibility of his father being right is still looming over him and he knows, in theory, that he could borrow any face in the world (one that she would like, maybe even one that she would _trust_ ), but Jonathan feels unwilling to hide; for the first time since arriving in the New York Institute, he wants Clary to _see_ him. He wants it more than he's ever wanted anything in his life.

And she does, eventually. He talks to her again before that, still letting her believe that she's talking to Sebastian Verlac and he kisses her despite himself, suddenly overwhelmed by the need to let her know how much her faith means to him. She _can't_ know, of course, not yet, but he does it anyway and when she pulls away, he's almost _grateful_ for that. She's got work to do, after all, and once she leaves, so does he.

He gets his answer soon enough. Even when Clary sees him with a blade pressed against Jace's neck, she doesn't falter; somehow, her first instinct is still to help if she can, unlikely as it seems. In a way, it only confirms what he’s already known – she's not _scared_ of him. Quite the opposite, actually; she keeps resolutely staring at him when almost everyone else would have looked away; tries to reason with him despite having the chance to attack. It’s genuine, Jonathan knows; despite being as familiar as she could get with the Clave and its inner working, she’s brave – _hopeful_ – enough to think that they’d be anything but unforgiving if he does agree to following her so that she can help him.

Clary can create new runes, he remembers, and maybe she can actually help; maybe she can actually change something, as inconceivable as it is to him now. She's very clearly in the _minority_ here and Jonathan hates himself for trusting her, but for once, the situation is beyond his control. It's strange; he's used to being able to predict every step that anyone could possibly make and yet here she is, calling to something inside him that's better left ignored.

But he can't bring himself to ignore it. She offers him the Mirror and it's not _enough._ It should be - it's what their father wants, and he'd assured him that Clary's also part of the big picture in one way or another - but the fact that she thinks the same way, that she _wants_ him to follow her sticks much more efficiently than that. She could be telling the truth, for all he knows; he hasn't spent enough time with Valentine to be sure that he isn't lying about everything he'd told him about his plan so far and for a moment, it's tempting to say _yes_.

He's just about to draw his blade away when the Warlock's magic reaches him and he sees the events unfold from the corner of his eye after that; Jace dragging Clary away through the portal, the mirror still firmly in her grasp, but for the first time, none of it matters.

What does matter is that he's got what he'd asked for. And Clary's turned out to be right - Valentine had lied to him, about her along with everything else. She'd seen him and she hadn't cared; if anything, she'd seemed more ready to accept him now than when he'd presented himself to her under his disguise. Whatever happens from now on, he tells himself, he'll manage to find a way out of this. Valentine can wait.

*******

Just a few days later, as he washes the blood away from the wounds she's inflicted on him, the water’s sting over his skin mapping out every touch, Jonathan doesn’t feel as defeated as he’d expected to. The Mirror isn’t a lost cause; he’s familiar with more than enough Shadowhunters in the city to know how to get the information for its new whereabouts. It might turn out to be more difficult with Clary, but it’ll be worth it, he’s certain of it. She’s angry and still mourning, but in time, she would understand. She loves him, after all, and if she’s forgotten that, he can always remind her of it again.


End file.
